call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize