I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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