just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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