He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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