all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize