Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Everclear isn't food dammit
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize