Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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