I met the friendliest cop last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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