...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
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Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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