I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
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My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize