Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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