His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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