my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize