At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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