Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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