i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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