I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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