a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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