im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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