I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There are leaves in my underwear?
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