I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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