Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
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Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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