after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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