yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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