Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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