I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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