the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think my moral compass just broke
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize