You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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