Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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