lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
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Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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