I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize