You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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