Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize