"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
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so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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