Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize