After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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