we have pet lesbian snakes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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