I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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