Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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