Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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