my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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