he thought i was a dude.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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