Dude my mom stole all your condoms
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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