Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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