I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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