Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize