Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize