So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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