It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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