I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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